TODAY

this is a departure from my normal memory trips that \\i hope will turn into some kind of family history.  I always wanted to go back with a video camera and mike and record everything; that didn't happen and now it won't.  I type with my right eye closed so I can see the keyboard and am grateful for spell check for sensing half of my mistakes,then I go back to find the one's I missed.  I am glad Alex has agreed to correct anything I missed, which seems to be a lot
It is my desire that ALL my family read this: it is important to me and I hope of some value to you.
I think every man wants to leave his 'mark' on the world or a legacy as not to be forgotten in a few weeks or a year after he departs this mortal existence.  I guess something where people would say, "let's erect a statute of him," so we always remember what he did for us.  I know that will not happen.  I have been thinking of my dad, and mom.  So many billions of us do the few simple things before we "leave.: We are born; mate live, trying to raise our children on the go, since they don't come with an owner's manual.  Then we die.  Worse: then in a little while, we are forgotten, except, maybe when it is time to check the grave for weeds and put out some plastic flowers, throwing the faded ones away. Dad was a robust man who thought nothing of cutting down and stacking 3-4 cords of firewood.  He had ONE joy in life: fishing for musky's.  I think that is the real reason for moving to Pymatuning Lake-the largest in the state, shaped like Africa, with an ear in Ohio.  When mom became helplessly sick, he became her caretaker: counting out her meds, taking her to the bathroom, fixing her meals and feeding her.  Several years ago, he told me he was afraid to go outside and cut the grass: she might fall and get hurt while he was doing so.  It was then that I realized that his fishing days were over, probably for at least 20 years or more.  He spent 64 days without ever leaving a hospital bed.  Rita, Tim's wife was his angel always making sure he was shaved and looking his best when they started radiation on his brain-which I knew that he would never again go home alive. He waited until everyone left the room before he departed. Just before, Rita kissed his cheek and said I love you Dad.  He briefly opened his eyes and uttered his final words: "I want to die!" This from a man who always said he would live to be a 100.
As I look over my own life, I thought I would always do something great or big.  At one time, during my college years I wanted to be a country music  entertainer and would visualize myself on stage.  I traded that for mom and you.  Even now, I have been playing my 42 year old guitar in the bedroom, composing music.  while in college, mom and others would sit around the living room of our apartment and listen and sometimes sing along; I loved to do it.today, the TV doesn't even get turned off, so quietly I strum and hum the words in my mind in the bedroom for as long as my fingers can take it. Thanks grandma valencic for genetic arthritis!
Church:  Here is another place where I thought I could be considered worthy enough to be a Bishop or so, and use my organizational skills along with my speaking abilities and gift of discernment, to heal the ward, bring us ALL back into fellowship and then preach, not teach, this generation how critical it is to prepare our children and grandchildren to PREPARE.  That the coming devastation's will not slowly creep up on us but be there all at once-and we have to be ready and to know our brothers and sisters well enough to work together with them as a team to save our neighborhood's.  But I realize that my past sins, shortcoming's and sometimes the necessity to ask for church help put me out of the running. I guess I felt the Lord wasn't going to call on someone to manage  a ward if he couldn't manage his own home.  Just my believe.  Then again, it is almost a miracle for me to last through all three meetings. Right now, I am bracing myself up to see Adam and Meredeth's new baby and wondering how I will get to Utah when Amanda's child is born.  And although Kansas City is closer than Amarillo, it was a trip I just couldn't handle and I knew since Tom asked mom, in her stubbornness, she would do it alone, even if it did cost us $270.00 and she tends to fall asleep on long drives.. I wish my children would ask ME first instead of mom-so I could tell them what we are up against.  I was thinking tonight if Christ knows what it is like to be old since He left this world in His prime. Sure, He died for our sins and pains, but does He really know what it feels like to be old and hurt 24/7?  Or, since He is a God, He can imagine it. Right?
I guess when it is my time to leave, I want my grave marker to say more than: He was born; married and had children, then got weak and old and died.
Funny.  We seem to see things differently at 63 than 33 or so-when we were invincible and could do anything.
If I had a magic lamp with just one wish, it would be that all of our children come to church.  Just think of the simple logic: God is always the same. Has to be.  Since He is, then all church's would teach exactly the same thing about Him and the Lord's church and pure gospel would be just like He set it up when he was on earth.  Well, we know all church's teach all different things.  Therefore, they can't be true.  To paraphrase Isaiah, the great Old Testament prophet, he said it would get so bad in the last days(now) that the church would have to be restored, or in other words, start all over, fresh. Build and organize it just as Jesus Christ did.  And that is where we come in: the Church with the keys of priesthood authority, were restored through the Prophet, Joseph Smith.  Don't take my word for it but the challenge of the Book of Mormon(Moroni 10,3-4) Read the book-YOU. then you get on your knees and pray to God IN THE NAME OF HIS SON, JESUS CHRIST, IF IT IS TRUE OR NOT.  And the truthfulness will be made know unto you. It's just that simple and you just need the courage to do it and not listen to anybody's opinions. Forgive me for speaking boldly and with plainness; no matter what your choices, we'll always love you. Just because.It's getting late. time for some more pills and a few hours of sleep.  I see a neurophthalmologist in the morning so he can tell me why I am loosing my ability to see.I hope.